It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
