Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
