OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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