you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
