Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
