The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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