he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
