I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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