You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
