I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
