we're chasing vodka with high fives
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
