Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize