But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
