that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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