Cold hands, warm shart.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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