I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
