does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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