i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
