I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
