508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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