I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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