it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How's work?
Spinning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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