There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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