It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
