his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize