she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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