We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
send nudes
from the living room?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
