no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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