wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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