It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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