What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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