it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
