i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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