I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
