Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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