Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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