the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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