the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
