So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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