I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize