I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
