Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
