Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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