We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
