Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
