The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
