Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
