So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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