What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
