I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
