He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
