Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
