why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
