I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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