I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
