He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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