We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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