Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
