There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
