no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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