No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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