how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
