I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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