god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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