with your own penis?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
