oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
