I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
