so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
