so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
