ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love having hate sex.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
