So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
