No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
